Unwelcome Thoughts

Posted on 13 May 2018 @ 1:00am by Lieutenant JG Felix Langston

647 words; about a 3 minute read

Mission: Crossing Over
Location: Deck 8 - Gymnasium
Timeline: MD 2 || 0030 hours

Felix looked in the mirror as he set the dumbbells down beside the bench on which he sat. The circles under his eyes were more pronounced than normal, betraying his growing lack of sleep. He grabbed a nearby towel and rubbed at his face, toweling off the sweat in addition to futilely trying to wipe away the reminders of his sleepless nights.

"No use," he said, looking at his tired visage in the mirror again. "You really should be in bed, you know." He wiped his sweaty palms on his gray tank top and through the lily-white towel.

He shook his head as he threw the towel back down on the floor. He heaved a sigh as he leaned down and picked up the dumbbells, wincing slightly under their weight. Once he propped them up on his knees, he slowly leaned back and laid flat on the bench, holding the dumbbells aloft over his chest. He began the slow ritual. One...two...three...four...

Suddenly an image flashed in his mind. Felix saw the ship again, rocked by phaser and torpedo blasts from the marauders who dared fire upon it.

Five...six...seven...

He heard a voice creep up in the back of his mind. "You weren't fast enough... it hissed as he struggled to lift the weights on the next few reps. "She would still be alive if you were...

Eight...nine... Felix ground his teeth together as he muscled up the last rep. Ten... He let out a groan as the weights slipped from his hands and landed with a THUD on the floor. He sat up slowly, groaning a bit as he winced from the soreness that was slowly starting to build in his arms, chest, and hands.

His mind then raced to the bridge of the Cochrane as he found himself in the captain's seat during the heat of battle. Explosions and blasts rattled the ship as it flew towards the Romulan warbird. He heard himself shouting orders over the commotion, feeling himself almost praying that he could end the conflict quickly without many casualties.

He saw a bright light emanating from the warbird and lance through the cockpit, instantly incinerating the young ensign manning the Tactical station. He saw her cry out in agony as she turned to ash right before his eyes, the image forever scorched into his retina.

"You couldn't save her, either... the voice in the back of his mind hissed as he snapped back to the brightly lit gymnasium, empty due to the time of night. It's as though everything you do will never be good enough, the voice continued.

Felix stood up and walked over to pick up the weights that had rolled away from the bench and put them back on the rack. He winced a bit as he picked them up, trying to wipe away the hissing voice in the back of his mind. Shut up! he commanded as he re-racked the weights.

"Why do you even bother?" the voice hissed again.

"Because it's right," Felix said aloud, looking at his sleep-deprived face in the mirror again. "Because I can do something for someone..." His voice trailed off as he stared himself down. He picked up the towel again and placed it on top of his head.

The voice said nothing, leaving Felix alone for the moment. Felix walked over to a nearby collection of lockers, right up to the one containing his gym bag. He entered the code and reached in, unzipping the gym bag and taking out a small PADD.

He made a single note, scheduling a reminder for himself immediately after the first alarm.

"SEE DR. STUART," was the only text there. He needed to fix this, quickly.

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