Healing the Mind

Posted on 16 Jul 2016 @ 1:10am by Lieutenant Avery Stuart Ph.D. & Lieutenant Commander Temerant Bast

2,332 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Risky Business
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: MD 0 - Backpost

OOC: This is a backpost, dating back to immediately after the events of The Sleeper Awakes at the end of Mission 6 - Rude Awakening.

"What do you mean I can't see him?" Avery asked, clearly confused and a bit irritated. She'd asked to see The Chief of Ops as soon as he was awake, anticipating the man would definitely have questions and would no doubt be struggling to come to terms with all he had done while disconnected from his symbiont. This didn't even take into account the circumstances which led him to be disconnected from his symbiont in the first place, and his feelings concerning the mental violation he'd experienced to make it happen.

It seems so many people were focused on what he'd done and whether he could be trusted, they'd minimized or forgotten entirely the circumstances which had gotten him to that point. After reading the medical reports, and examining the facts for herself, Avery had no doubt Bast had been a victim all around, and she wanted to do what she could to minimize his sense of revictimization as much as she could because Stuart knew the more alone someone felt, the more likely their traumatic symptoms were going to persist and those symptoms tend to be more severe.

The Andorian security guard stood motionless before the Counselor, his antennae at rigid attention. "Orders from the Chief of Security. No one sees the prisoner until the Captain has decided if charges need to be brought up against him, except the Chief Medical Officer, and the Security chief."

Avery resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she knew it would only make her look petty. She understood the importance of maintaining security around Bast which meant limiting the number of people who had access to him, but she also couldn't help resent the oversight of his psychological needs in the provision of healthcare.

"Thank you," Stuart managed to get out, before turning on her heel, making up her mind to take the matter up with security and command as soon as possible.

***

Just as she'd made up her mind to do, Avery had formally voiced her reservations to security as well as command, and just as she predicted, she still been barred from visiting Bast until such time as he awoke and wasn't considered an immediate threat. Intellectually, Stuart knew there wasn't much she could do as long as Bast was unconscious anyway, but that still didn't keep her from feeling frustrated about all of it. She hated the idea of the man waking up with few supporters in his corner, surrounded by guards. Still, she focused on what she could do, and that was resolved to be with him the moment she was given the okay.

True to her word, two days after being turned away, Avery walked into sickbay with a purpose. She'd made up her mind that this time, she wouldn't be turned away without a fight, but fortunately for all concerned, it hadn't been necessary. She was soon directed to the Trill's bedside. "Welcome back, Lieutenant Bast," Avery opened with a smile. "Apparently, you're harder to get an audience with than the Federation president."

Bast looked up from the biobed where he was sitting, startled out of his reverie. "Counselor," he said. He looked at the Andorian security guard who was ever present close to him, standing by the doorway. "And I can tell you that I'm just as closely guarded as the Federation President, too."

Avery frowned. She didn't like the prospect of having a therapeutic conversation with the guard present. "I see that. Does the medical team erect privacy force fields before they treat you? I'd like to think they don't just treat you out in the open."

Bast pointed toward the control panel at the head of the biobed. "Just hit that button over there," he said.

He watched as the Counselor hit the button he had indicated. An opaque forcefield appeared around them, shielding them from prying eyes, while at the same time a sound dampening field activated, also cutting off their conversation from anyone outside the forcefield.

"There we go, that's much better," Avery said. "Now that we have some semblance of privacy, I wanted to see how you were. I've read the medical report, and I can't imagine it's been easy absorbing any of this."

Bast pointed toward his ankle, which he kept stretched out on the biobed. "This is going to take a bit longer to heal, but other than that, Doctor Kij did a pretty good job of fixing me up," he said.

"And emotionally?" Avery knew Bast was smart enough to know that's what she was interested in, but she could also appreciate a reluctance to talk about it and a desire to pretend his physical welfare was the most important.

"Emotionally?" Bast repeated. "How do you think I feel, Counselor?" He tried to contain the anger in his voice, but he was failing. "I was poisoned. They used a chemical substance to break the link to my symbiont. Do you have any idea how grotesque that sounds? On Trill, long ago, this used to be an offense punishable by the death penalty. Now these kinds of attacks are unheard of, because of their sheer obscenity. And then they inserted themselves into my mind, and induced a kind of psychotic nightmare that caused me to turn my back on everything I believed in, and open fire on my friends. How do you think I feel, Counselor?" he asked again.

"I can only imagine," Avery answered honestly, "and even in my imagination, I'll never truly be able to understand what this has been like for you. I think you not only need to have an opportunity to express your feelings, but you have every right to express them. You can tell me," Stuart added gently. "I'm not here to judge you, and I know it wasn't your fault."

Bast took a few deep breaths before replying. He was trying to keep his anger in check, and not let it explode in the Counselor's direction. Much as he disliked having to talk to one, he knew none of this was her fault. "I feel angry," he said. "I feel ashamed at being too weak to resist them. I feel ashamed at being..." He searched for the right word. "Raped," he said finally. "I was mentally raped by the Consortium."

It was exactly the word Avery held in her mind to describe the experience as she was reading the reports surrounding what had happened to Bast, although she knew she had to be careful not to put words in his mouth even as she encouraged him to identify his experience and associated feelings. Although sentient beings in had come a long way in understanding violations of all sorts, for some, rape was a loaded word that could only be applicable in some narrow circumstances and could only happen to certain sentient beings. That Bast didn't appear to be constrained by such thoughts, at least given what she'd heard so far, boded well for his recovery. "Given what you've described, I think that's an apt way of identifying it. Everything you're feeling is normal under the circumstances and I know in time, you can heal, with help and support."

"I've lived through this before," he replied. "I know the recovery steps involved. But this time, they also manipulated me into betraying the Federation. And open fire on my fellow shipmates. You can't make this go away with... Hug therapy," he said, after giving that last term a second's thought.

"Hug therapy," Avery mused aloud. "What exactly is that and did it work the first time?" Of course, Avery had some idea of what Bast meant. Many people thought therapy was about sitting and crying over past traumas, as if a good cry and a hug were all it took to heal from trauma. "I know it's going to take time and some very specific help for you to heal from this. I am very sorry so many people doubt your innocence in this. I know it doesn't make your recovery any easier, but for every person who distrusts you and is angry about what you did, I want you to know you have just as many people in your corner who aren't going to abandon you, myself included."

Bast hung his head low, and took a deep breath. He knew he had been taking his anger out on the Counselor, something she didn't deserve. But his anger needed to be released, and she was unfortunate enough to be standing in front of him at this particular moment. "I'm sorry, Counselor, I didn't mean to lash out at you," he said. "I'm grateful for your help."

Avery dismissed his apology with a wave of her hand. She appreciated it, but wasn't at all offended. "I appreciate your apology, but I also understand you have every right to feel angry and that sometimes it's easier to lash out at the person who deep down, you know can take it. I have no doubt you can heal from this, but I also won't pretend this is a comfortable thing for you to talk about or an easy journey. Perhaps we can start with a bit about the first time this happened to you and focus on what helped you cope then?"

Bast looked away. This was a memory he wasn't keen on reliving, but he accepted it as being necessary. "My first host," he said. "Lamorra. One night, coming back from the Conservatory, she was attacked in a darkened street on Trill. And she was raped."

"I'm sorry," Avery replied. "Are memories of that assault also intruding into your recollections of recent experiences?" Other than basic instruction on trill psychology, Avery didn't exactly understand how experiences of past hosts impacted current functioning. It wasn't something that could be fully understood from a lecture.

He frowned. "I'm not mixing up the two events, if that's what you're asking," he said. "But the emotional experiences from that day do come into play."

"How so?" Avery wasn't implying Bast was mixing up the two events in a cognitive sense to the point he couldn't determine reality, but she imagined for him, the interconnectedness of the two events was much more intimate given that he had the ability to recall the memory in detail. She didn't want to retraumatize him by focusing too much on that event, but not to touch on it seemed to her to be denying his reality at the same time.

"It was eighty years ago, I've moved past it," he said. "But the feeling of someone violating you, of forcing themselves upon you, is similar, whether it's physical, or mental."

Avery nodded. "That makes sense. As I said, I'm not suggesting you would confuse the two events and become disoriented, but given how accessible the memories of past hosts are, and simply knowing the impact of trauma and how easily intense feelings can return with just the simplest trigger, I imagine it's not easy to have all those emotions stirred up again. Have you found anything in particular that helps you manage them?"

"I've found that running usually helps me evacuate a lot of negative emotions," replied Bast. He pointed at his injured ankle. "Not much chance of that in the short term, though."

"Would you consider journaling? Writing down your thoughts and feelings or even recording them in a completely separate file from your official personal log can sometimes help people get out of their own heads and gain some perspective. Of course, if you're really keyed up and can't concentrate on expressing yourself just then, deep breathing and some muscle relaxation exercises can really help you initially calm down. I can show you some if you'd like?"

He shrugged. "I've done that before. If you think it could help, I'm open to giving it a try."

Avery smiled, recognizing polite noncommitment when she heard it. "If it hasn't helped you in the past, I won't force you to do something you don't think will work. Is there an alternative you'd like to try?"

"I've done yoga, Vulcan meditation, and rhythmic breathing exercises," volunteered Bast.

"How do you find those strategies?"

"I didn't try them when Lamorra was attacked, but she did try yoga a few years later, as exercise. She found it calming. Wilem did Vulcan meditation, and rhythmic breathing to help him sleep."

Even though she understood his answer, it was still a bit strange to hear it. "Perhaps we should start there and see how it goes? I've found working with clients, it's much easier to address intense emotions and unhelpful thoughts if clients can relax first."

Bast nodded gravely. "I'll give it a try," he said, eager to put an end to the conversation. He knew those exercises might help him deal with the emotions he was feeling over this assault. But in the long term, there was something else he knew that would help, and that was seeing those responsible caught, and punished for their crimes.

"That's all I can ask," Avery replied with a nod. "In the meantime, I'd like to continue seeing you, if that's alright with you?" Stuart couldn't change the fact the assault had happened, and no amount of counseling would change that, but she wasn't going to pretend that all could be solved within a single session either.

Bast nodded silently. He knew that his continuing presence on the ship would be contingent on his attending regular therapy sessions, and indeed his mental balance would only be helped by it. His previous lifetimes of experience had taught him at least that much.

"Great," Avery replied, knowing she needed to quit while she was ahead. "I'll send you out the department yeoman. She'll help you set up your next appointment."

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