Happily Ever After?

Posted on 10 Jun 2016 @ 6:00am by Commander C. Kos & Commodore Harvey Geisler

1,902 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Risky Business
Location: Geisler's Quarters
Timeline: MD -1 || 2100 hours

Walking down the corridor, Mackenzie's heart felt heavy. She was physically exhausted from the stress of making this decision. She touched the announcer and waited.

Harvey had been sitting on the couch. For the first time in weeks, he'd traded his trademark PADD for an actual book. It was a classic, he'd been told by his father in a rare move upon graduation from Starfleet Academy. His parents, though always present, were never mentally present with Harvey, except when it came to keeping him out of trouble.

And, in the twenty years that followed graduation, he'd never read it. Sure, he'd picked it up from time to time, but he'd never actually read it. Even now as his eyes glazed over the Dickens novel in his hand, not a single word registered in his mind.

When the announcer sounded, Harvey felt only one emotion: relief. He set the book down on the table and rose to answer the door. Harvey could just as easily shouted "Come" or "Enter" but neither seemed like an option at the moment. Not knowing who was at the door didn't stop him from opening it himself. After a couple strides, his right index finger tapped the control stud.

The doors slid apart, revealing the familiar face of his Executive Officer. Well, she wasn't his XO at the moment, but Harvey didn't care. "Mac," Harvey greeted with a smile. That smile quickly faded when he saw her face.

She tried to respond, but no words came out when she opened her mouth. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "Captain," she said softly, "We need to talk."

Harvey knew that couldn't be good. "Come in," he said gently, gesturing towards the couch.

Accepting the offer, Mackenzie lowered herself onto the sofa. "How are you feeling, sir?" It was strange to not call him by his given name, but at this point, she wanted to try to maintain professionalism with him. Until she was more emotionally stable, she didn't want to risk it.

He had many ways of answering that question. Harvey debating telling her about his lack of a command staff, or even lying to her, saying that he was fine. But, he'd come to trust Mac, and he knew that she would easily see right through any façade. "Recovering," he answered simply. "Albeit slower than I like." Then he asked the more pertinent question, "How are you?"

"'Slow and steady win the race,'" she began. "A recovery need not be speedy to be good." She shifted slightly, wishing she could get comfortable. But, given the conversation she was about to have, comfort was not likely.

"I've been meeting with the Counselor."

A slight smile appeared on Harvey's face, though he was unsure if it were appropriate. "I hope it's been helpful."

"It has been," Mac confirmed, nodding ever so slightly. "Like you, my 'recovery' isn't keeping pace with my expectations."

"I guess that seems to be the norm for many," Harvey stated. The crew reports laying on the coffee table indicated that other departments were indeed experiencing the same as Harvey and Mac. Harvey knew that the moment they arrived at Unity, they wouldn't get much of a reprieve. They'd likely be sent right back out.

She forced a smile. "Indeed." She very much wanted to run away, to escape this conversation. It was the anxiety speaking, she knew, but that didn't make it any less real.

A pause arrived. Harvey found himself unsure of what to say. He missed Mac, both professionally and personally. "Look, Mac, I--"

"Captain," she interrupted, "I just need to get it out."

Harvey froze. In that moment, he knew. A frown forced itself onto Harvey's face. Though they'd left New Risa behind, it seemed the Black Hawk was still destined to suffer more casualties.

She looked at his brown eyes. Those eyes spoke to her, both her heart and her soul. As difficult as it was, she looked away. The conversation was hard enough without giving in to her emotions.

"I am leaving the Black Hawk."

Leaving. Harvey held back a sigh of disappointment. With Xiao's death, he thought Kos would step up and return to her rightful seat on the bridge. How foolish now he thought he was for thinking that.

"Mac... I..." Harvey could no longer hold back the sigh. "I need you, Mac. Now, more than ever."

And I need you, she thought. "I'm no good right now. You need a functional XO. That's not me right now. I wish it was. Leaving the Hawk isn't something I do lightly. But if I don't leave and get the help I need, I'm not doing you or the crew any favors."

Harvey's eyes closed, and he swore he felt that his left eye was more moist than normal. He understood her reasoning, and it knew it was unfair to use regulations to his and his crew's advantage to keep her around. It would only make Mac worse, and the last thing the ship needed was another First Officer doing something stupid that everyone would regret.

"Where will you go?" he asked.

"I've made arrangements to join a treatment program on Bajor. I'm renting a small house on the outskirts of Jalanda City. Very pretty from what I hear."

She studied Harvey's face. She was going to miss him greatly. "I'm sorry."

He reached out and gently grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry too," he replied.

Waves of emotion rushed over her. She wanted to come clean with Harvey; explain her behavior on DS11, apologize for Walsh, confess her feelings. But she knew the timing was wrong.

"I'm proud to have served here, sir," she said instead.

"Served?" Harvey asked immediately, his body tensing up in preparation for more information that he would not like. "Does... Does that mean you're not coming back?"

"I wish I knew. I'll stay on Bajor until I feel ready to return to duty. If that ever happens."

"I hope it does," he said, squeezing her hand. "And if it does," he said, putting a smile on his face to mask his own disappointment, "you'll be welcome here."

Feeling Harvey's touch was too much for her. Before she could stop herself, Mac's mouth opened. "I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

Harvey gave her a quizzical look. "Not strong enough for what?"

"That night on DS11.... I ruined that for us. I was looking forward to our evening. I was so excited to spend time with you. Hopeful that we could enjoy some private time." As much as she wanted to stop talking and just escape, Kos kept talking, the words seemingly jumping off her tongue with little regard for her desire for silence. "But I slept with Walsh that day." Tears welled up in her eyes.

He blinked. Usually, he'd kept himself far and away from relationships between the crewmembers he served with, especially since what happened to Alison all those years ago. Only in recent weeks had that changed. He enjoyed what he had with Jayla, but that didn't yet have a label, nor did he know where he wanted that relationship to go.

As for that night at DS11, Harvey wasn't sure what to expect from that evening with Kos. It certainly didn't end well, her crying in his arms. Above all, he had hoped that it would bring them closer personally more than professionally. He wasn't glad she slept with Walsh, and he was sure that showed on his face, but Harvey didn't know Mac had thought of him then either.

"I didn't mean to ruin our relationship."

"I ruined it too," Harvey confessed. "The day I didn't defend you. I'd thought, that night at DS11, you'd changed somehow. Maybe I didn't--"

Mac sniffled. "I love you Harvey."

He looked into her green eyes, seeing every ounce of her sadness and distress. They'd never had chance, Mac and Harvey. And they likely never would.

"Mac," he said softly. "What you did for me, only two others have done before. I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes." Were it not for her, he wasn't sure he'd ever be bold enough to find love again, if it were even possible. He wasn't even sure he had that now.

She leaned forward and kissed Harvey. It was inopportune for a variety of reasons, but she felt compelled to do it. After a few moments, she pulled back and looked at him.

Harvey didn't need years of medical training to know what was happening to him in this very moment. He picked up instantly on the increase in his heart rate. Only two others had done that to him before, and only one of those was currently on board this ship. He'd felt Mac's passion and more in that kiss. In one instant, she had told him everything that could have been.

But the opportunity had passed. She was leaving, and Harvey couldn't convince her to stay. The only question on his mind now was whether or not to tell her about Jayla. Mac had been honest to him. It was the least he could do, even knowing that this would hurt.

"I..." he said gently, softly, almost ashamed of what had just happened. "Mac, I have to tell you. I've been seeing Doctor Kij."

Pain. She was experiencing pain. The kind of pain that hits you deep down inside, the kind that no medicine can soothe. Despite this, she tried to maintain her composure, not wanting to embarrass herself in front of Harvey anymore.

"Jayla's a lucky woman," she said, struggling to keep from bawling. "You're a good man and you deserve to be happy."

"You are happy, right?"

Harvey nodded. "I am," he admitted, though he found a small part of him that was now uncertain. In the past, he'd never pursued a woman for relationships, much less initiate them. Both Mac and Jayla had taken the first step. It was this small part of him that wished either Mac had acted sooner or he'd changed his ways for once.

"That's good," she replied. Aware of how empty her words sounded, she quickly added, "I'm glad you're happy."

Standing, she forced a smile. "I should get going. I'm going to miss this ship."

"And you."

"I'll miss you too, Mac," Harvey replied. "Professionally and personally. For what it's worth, I do hope you come back."

"I hope so to, Harvey." Though she said the words, she wasn't sure she meant it anymore. The last thing she wanted to do was get her emotional needs sorted out just to return to the Black Hawk and have to watch Harvey and Jayla together.

Mackenzie stood up and walked towards the door. "Good bye Captain."

Harvey too rose from the couch, but he remained standing beside it as Mac walked to the door. He considered going after her, to at least embrace her as a friend, then he talked himself out of it. Harvey then considered it again, only to talk himself out of it once more. He convinced himself that this wasn't goodbye. After all, Mac would be back.

She had to come back. Right?

"Until we meet again, Mac," he said softly, a part of him permeating his tone with doubt, knowing the real truth though he will completely unwilling to admit it.

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