Thoughts and Questions

Posted on 27 Dec 2016 @ 12:01am by Lieutenant Commander Camila Di Pasquale
Edited on 27 Dec 2016 @ 12:04am

700 words; about a 4 minute read

Everywhere I look on the ship, I see strained faces and hear arguments popping up over what used to bring laughter. The crew has had a very hard time lately and I'm not exception when it comes to feeling the strain of our situation. We're in an alternate universe with no allies, one of our ships has been captured by the Confederation and we have no idea what their status is or that of my boyfriend Temerant, who is the acting Executive Officer of the Cochrane.

I've been put in the position of acting Executive Officer of the Black Hawk and I feel as if it were a bad choice. I was barely ready to be a department chief of Security when Captain Geisler approached me after the last Chief was revealed to be a Consortium traitor. I question my decisions constantly and I have already lost personnel in one conflict or another and it's starting to take its toll on me. I talked to Counselor Stuart briefly, but not in any depth or detail. Maybe I should make another appointment with her and get my feelings out.

I have to wonder how many of the crew who are higher ranked or have more experience than I do feel about my current position. I don't have many friends on the ship, so I can't get a feel for how the crew as a whole feels about a newly minted Lieutenant being their acting Executive Officer. I put Lieutenant Corwin in charge of Security while I'm serving in this regard and I feel that she is doing a very good job, but she has more experience in Security than I do. For that matter, some of the enlisted have more experience, but no one has questioned my orders yet.

All I know is that the crew can't take much more of the strain that we're all facing and when the time comes, I can only hope that it will be in the form of verbal protests instead of fights or a mutiny. I won't allow that and I know Lieutenant Corwin won't allow that, but if the days continue as they have been, something is going to happen. I should talk to her about the possibility and make preparations in the event.

"Computer, delete previous paragraph," Camila ordered as she sipped her Raktajino and sighed. "Continue recording."

Here I am, a Lieutenant and in charge of a department and I continue to question myself while wondering about those around me. If the Captain has any doubts about me, he hasn't stated them to me, nor has the Executive Officer called me into his office. Well, the normal Executive Officer. Maybe I should use my current position to look into it and see if I've been flagged for anything. No, that would be an abuse of my position and I'm a Starfleet officer first and foremost.

Back to the matter of Temerant. My boyfriend and the current Second Officer of the ship as well as the Chief of Operations. I truly hope that nothing has happened to him since the Cochrane was captured. We've had our ups and downs in the short time we've been together and I feel like a coward for having advocated running to marshal our resources instead of turning the ship around and heading directly into battle. I hope that he doesn't hold that against me when we finally rescue them.

We've learned some information about the Confederation by taking the son of the head of the Confederation as a prisoner, but his information is years out of date. We could be going into a trap blind, but that hasn't stopped us before and it won't stop us this time, either. We're less than four hours away from the location that we learned and while I should be trying to get some sleep, I fully expect to be called into another meeting or have more PADDwork to do before then. Until I learn one way or another what is going to happen, all I can do is hope that someone out there is listening and keeps our people safe.

End Personal Log

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