Reign Of The Classic Ice Cream Scoop

Posted on 10 Jun 2018 @ 6:58pm by Lieutenant Reginald Hawthorn

540 words; about a 3 minute read

I swear that's what this has to be. Its got the scoop part, handle, and its chromed to hell and back: gotta be an ice cream scoop. Because if it ain’t, and it's integral to the operation of my warp core, then Starfleet's developing some cutting edge technology here.

Or I’m getting spares from the galley, one or the other.

When I got assigned to the USS Black Hawk I was happy as a pig in swill. Oh, you can have your Defiants, and Sabres and even those nifty little Norway class frigates: but a Century class starship is a working man’s ship. Thing is designed to be as close to automated as is possible, lowers the crew count some but increases the needed for a fixer.

Me and mine, we're Boss Hogs here. 'Cept for the Flight Deck, you don't go poaching from another man's herd unless you're looking to square off at noon. Not sure if Griffin knows how much kick Montanan iron has, but then I reckon he'd just beat me to death with it 'stead of shooting me down. Not that I'm saying I'd not shoot first, just I might take a step back and duck first. Sensible like.

As for my crewmates, they are a right odd sort. Gotta sort of cross-section of the Federation thing going on, a little bit of everythin'. Some fantastical notions rattlin' about in their heads. It's all I can do to keep this one Ensign from getting her head full of ideas that ain't got biscuits to do with the running of a ship. Engineer's place is in the engine room, or engine room adjacent places of work.

Which makes me wonder why the Cap'n went and made me acting Xo during that drill. What do I know about commanding a ship? I command the warp core to do its thing, if I ask nicely. And I ain't scared of taking a walk into the vasty nothingness to seal a hull breach. But I point, ship goes that away? I bark it chuff's like a skitter dog on the hunt? Black Hawk ain't got no scales like a skitter dog but, well for the Cap'n...

...

...Well.

Cap'n Reggie does have a nice ring to it. Bet I'd get to wear my hat on the bridge too without folks gawking, or the Cap'n trying to hand me this itty bitty baseball cap thing. I'm gonna work on him some, try to get him to the notion that a proper hat has some heft to it. Fella probably thinks its there to keep the rain off yer head. Silly Federation fella, no clue how to keep the spirits of old from doing that thing they love to do.

I tell ya, only reason they ain't all gone blown up the ship is cause I'm here. Only sane fella in the asylum. Well, back to it I guess. Got me a private wager I can find six more of these ice cream scoop thing's before the ship's computer begins to bleat about 'safety interlocks' and what not.

'Cap'n Reggie Madison Hawthorn'.

Could be I get used to that one day, sooner if they keep on acting as they do.

RSS Feed