Dealing with Shitz

Posted on 30 Oct 2018 @ 1:28pm by Senior Chief Petty Officer Alexander Rylan & Lieutenant JG Jazmin Parks

2,291 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Fractured
Location: Waste Reclamation
Timeline: MD6 0900hrs

ON

Alex sighed in frustration. He hated coming down to Waste Reclamation, but with the recent damage to the ship, he needed to make sure things were still sanitary down here. He just wanted to get this damned sanitation inspection out of the way and get back to working shifts in Sickbay. But some self important Boatswain's Mate 1st Class who seemed to be in charge at the moment, was creating obstacles.

"Sorry, Senior," BM1 Mathias Shitz said. "I can't let you in here without permission from Lieutenant Parks herself."

Alex sighed again. "I have Lieutenant Parks' permission. I spoke to her not ten minutes ago."

"Yeah," BM1 Shitz said. "But she didn't say anything to me, so how do I know you're not making that up?"

Alex counted to ten, slowly.

"Look, Shitz," Alex said, the irony of a Boatswain's Mate 1st Class (whose rank was abbreviated 'BM1') named 'Shitz' working in Waste Reclamation not lost on him. "I know this is your little fiefdom, but honestly, why would I make up a reason come down here?"

"I take offense to that, Senior," BM1 Shitz said. "What we do down here in the bowels of the ship is vital to the survival of the crew. We know our jobs and we don't need some wanna be doctor telling us what to do."

Alex's eyes narrowed. That last little dig gave him the right to tear Shitz a new one, but instead he threw up his hands, then tapped his commbadge.

"Senior Chief Rylan to Lieutenant Parks," he said. "I could use your assistance down in Waste Reclamation."

===Chief Operations Officer's Office===

Jazmin looked up from the systems status display where she and two other Operations officers were troubleshooting a rather annoying glitch. No one ever called her to come down there so she figured it was important. She needed a break anyway.

=/\=Parks to Rylan, I'm on my way.=/\=

She turned to the others. "Keep at this, the problem has to be in this section. I'll be back soon."

Without waiting for a reply she hurried out of the office and made her way to the turbolift and then to Waste Reclamation.

===Waste Reclamation, Deck 22===
Jazmin entered the space to see Senior Chief Rylan facing off against an unrecognized 1st Class.

"Okay, you wanted to see me? Here I am. What's the problem?"

"Sorry to bother you, Lieutenant," Alex said. "But you gave me permission to inspect Waste Reclamation, and this Shitz here is causing an obstruction. It's highly irregular."

Jazmin struggled to keep a straight face. Fortunately, her training in security had taught her that much. "Petty Officer Shitz, what's the problem?"

"Ma'am," Shitz said. "The work we do down here is important and sensitive. We can't just let anybody walk around down here. And as far as inspections go, we're fully capable of maintaining our equipment and keeping things moving smoothly. We don't need Medical sticking its nose down here and probing around for problems that don't exist."

"Shitz," Alex said before Parks could reply. "I assure you that my nose is the last part of me I want to stick in here. And regardless of what you think of me, both the civilian Federation Occupational Health and Safety Board, and the Starfleet Office of Health and Safety require that I inspect Waste Reclamation regularly."

"The old IDC never came down here once!" Shitz said. "My inspections were good enough for him!"

"Then I'll be sure to find out who the old IDC was and have his ass busted back to Crewman!" Alex was starting to get sick of this Shitz.

"Senior, relax." She eyed Shitz. "I'm sure that Petty Officer Shitz's reluctance to allow inspection isn't from an attitude that requires readjusting. I'd hate to think he was giving you crap because logs, inspections, and other required duties were gundecked."

She turned and took a step towards Shitz. "Petty Officer Shitz, you know full well that independent inspections are required because if we allowed self-inspection, crewmembers would have their heads up their asses and be unable to see where problems really were."

She suddenly seemed taller than her 5'5" frame truly was. "I want your logs, your inspections, your duty rosters, and your tagout records for the last six months and I want them in the next fifteen minutes" She smiled coldly. "No, I'll give you some leeway, how about the next seventeen minutes. I plan on running pattern recognition routines on everything and if I find that you've falsified reports," she stepped forward, making him back up, "then not only will you face Captain's Mast, but you'll have new inspections once a week for each one that was fabricated."

She paused waiting for the man to speak. When he didn't she smiled and leaned forward. "This is where you move your ass before I wipe it with a report form."

BM1 Shitz looked from Jazmin to Alex, who scowled and pointed back at Jazmin, reminding the man who was in charge here. Shitz stood to attention.

"Aye, aye, Ma'am!" he barked. Then he turned on his heel to get the reports Jazmin asked for.

Alex smirked.

"You know, he'll be a first class BM someday," he said, then he laughed. "Of course, I think he's a first class BM now!" Alex tried, but he couldn't stop laughing. "Oh, Gods! BM1 Shitz...Waste Reclamation Officer!" Alex laughed some more. "Oh...I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I know he's probably one of your finest BMs...Oh, Gods!" Alex started laughing again.

Jazmin had to bite her cheek to keep from joining in. This was a confluence of events, people, and places that just begged to be laughed at. She wanted to let loose but knew that as an officer, she was held to a higher standard.

"Senior! Isn't that kind of bathroom humor a bit, juvenile? Petty Officer Shitz deserves the same respect as either one of us." She let a small smile emerge, just to let him know that she did, indeed, find this funny. But, what would that say about her as an officer and a Department Head?

She took a deep, steadying breath. "When he returns, I want you to make a full inspection. Cover everything and anything. If he's been doing anything he shouldn't, or overlooking anything of the sort, then, well, he's gonna be travelling down a creek with his name on it."

She sighed and leaned against the bulkhead, waiting for Shitz to return.

"Right, ma'am, sorry," Alex said. "I'll cut that Shitz right out! SORRY! Last one, I promise! Um, congrats on the promotion to department head. How's the adjustment from Security to Operations going?"

Shitz still had some of his seventeen minutes left, and Alex had promised Mila he would try to get to know some of the commissioned and warrant officers.

Jazmin smiled. "It's been a challenge, Security and Operations are by their very natures, different animals. I'd always thought I'd be Security the rest of my career, but I'm finding that Operations is as much, or if not more, rewarding. I've been enjoying the challenge and the chance to contribute more than if I'd stayed in security."

"So, Senior Chief, I never really got the chance to talk to you before our current mission started, but how is it working with Doctor Road and the rest of the Medical Staff?"

"It's fun," Alex said. "I mean, of course, it's medicine, so there are days that are happier than others, but it's rewarding. I enjoy my work. Helping people is pretty much a part of who I am. If something like that is genetic, a function of nature, then I probably get it from my mother. If it's a function of nurture, then I still get it from my mother. She's a Captain in the Starfleet Nursing Corps."

Jazmin nodded appreciatively. "Well, I'm sure you've done her proud. I mean, no one makes Senior Chief without being both competent and committed."

She glanced at the chronometer. "Petty Officer! You've got eight whole minutes left! Step to!"

"Aye, aye, Ma'am!" came the shouted response from BM1 Shitz as he worked feverishly in his office to get his computer to squeeze out the pile of reports Jazmin had asked for.

"Actually," Alex said. "My mother being proud of that kind of accomplishment took awhile to happen. She and my father are both very highly educated and intelligent. They expected me to follow with that. But I didn't fit into that mold and there was some tension when I decided to go to the two year enlisted academy instead of the officer's version of Starfleet Academy. But, over time they've grown to accept and maybe even understand me more. What about you, Lieutenant? Bet your family was very proud when you were accepted into Starfleet Academy."

"Well, Senior, better late than never. She paused before continuing. "Actually, my parents died when I was very young. I spent a fair amount of time in the Andorian foster system, but was adopted by a wonderful couple from Earth." She smiled remembering how scared she had been when she had first met them. "Papa was a retired cop and Mama was retired Starfleet enlisted Crypto Specialist. Even so, I never thought Starfleet was going to be my future. I just wanted to dance."

She paused. "Shitz! Four minutes! Move it!"

"Where was I? Oh yeah, I wanted to dance, and when I was 16 I joined the Ney York Ballet Company." She smiled broadly, remembering the other dancers, the performances, the instructors. "We were in San Francisco for a performance and afterwards took a stroll. Someone was getting mugged and I just, reacted. Knocked the guy out. A couple of Starfleet recruiters saw the whole thing and convinced me to join. Said I could protect people, do some good and all. You know, standard Starfleet Recruitment Pitch. I went Security and the rest, as they say, is history."

She tapped her foot impatiently. "If that guy doesn't get his crap together, he's gonna be circling the drain holding onto what's left of his career."

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "I ought to write you up, Senior, for corrupting my innocence with all your crappy puns!" She slapped her forehead. "I've got to stop this or I'm gonna end up spitting one of these turds out when I'm reporting to the Captain."

Her face became deadly serious. "I want you to know that crap rolls downhill." She paused for a moment before stifling a long giggle.

Alex was also struggling not to laugh when suddenly there came the sound so Shitz bursting forth from his office and running down the narrow corridor. He was carrying a PaDD that he'd downloaded all of the information requested on to. He made to hand the report to Jazmin. There was an exaggerated 'ahem' from Alex. Shitz grimaced, then handed the reports to Alex who started looking at them.

"Okay," Alex said. "Thank you, Shitz. It looks like you've dumped everything the Lieutenant asked for into this PaDD. Now all that remains is my personal inspection of your area here, the receiving tanks, purifiers, conversion tanks, pipes, etc. Can I tell the Lieutenant here that you're going to cooperate with me now so she can go back to whatever she was doing?"

Shitz looked from Alex, to Jazmin, then back to Alex. He grit his teeth. "Aye, aye, Senior."

Alex narrowed his eyes. If Jazmin was going to go back to what she was doing, he was going to have to put an end to this insubordinate crap Shitz was flinging at him.

"I'm getting a little tired of this, Shitz," he said, getting right in the petty officer's face. "I don't give a damn if you like me or not, BM1 Shitz, I really don't. It would be easier if we did get along, but ultimately, I'm a Senior Chief, and you're a BM1. When I say jump, you ask how high, am I making myself clear, BM1 Shitz?"

There was a pause while Shitz ground his teeth some more and held his tongue. Alex growled. He didn't often pull the 'Senior Chief Mafia' routine, but he knew how to do it when he had to. Finally, Shitz relented.

"Aye, aye, Senior," he said.

Alex stayed where he was for just a moment longer to prove his point about who was in charge, then backed off and smiled.

"Come on, man," he said. "Show me around and I'll buy you a drink at Talons when we're done here."

Shitz visibly relaxed and looked a little shocked. No one ever drank with him...ever. He was unfriendly. His attitude stank, which was understandable considering he lived a life of being the but of feces humor, which made him very cranky. He took that out on others, and that made things worse. Maybe this Rylan wasn't so bad.

"Sure," Shitz said. "I'd like that."

Shitz figured he could always go back to being cantankerous later if he felt like it.

"Look," he said. "You have an important job down here, and I respect that. All I'm asking is that

Alex turned to Jazmin. "I think we've got everything under control here, Lieutenant. Sorry to bother you."

Jazmin, serious now nodded. "Petty Officer, learn from this. Besides, all of us need a good swift kick to the ass every so often. Even me. However, the Captain is the one doing the kicking of my ass. Be thankful it wasn't him that came down here." She nodded. These two would be okay. "Carry on."

With that she turned and left, happy to finally be rid of all this crap.

OFF

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