More Apologies

Posted on 04 Apr 2017 @ 1:28am by Commander Jayla Kij & Commodore Harvey Geisler

1,196 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Shore Leave
Location: DS11
Timeline: Just after "Apologies"

As Joey left Sick Bay, Jayla turned back to the Captain. "I really am sorry," she said. "And I'm happy for you, really. Joey's great. I'm fine with being just friends. In fact, it might be better," she added, wiping a lone tear from her eye. "I'm a bit of a nightmare right now."

"You're a nightmare?" Harvey asked her, gesturing her to follow him out of sickbay. "You seem to be holding together pretty well all things considered. Unless you're just good at hiding how bad you are."

"I put on a good mask," she admitted as they entered the corridors. "Alone, there's a lot of crying, worrying, thinking, staring off into space. I'd pity anyone forced to spend any amount of time with me."

"Forced?" echoed Harvey as they started to navigate the busy corridors. His goal was to head for one of the observation lounges on this level for a bit of privacy. "Has someone already forced you into anything?"

"Of course not," she answered. "I just meant, you know, anyone close to me might not have a fun time. I'm sure my sister is going bonkers. Every time we talk, I end up in tears."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, turning a corner. He saw the observation lounge ahead, one of those that was an open facility, but still away from the main corridor to keep it secluded just enough.

Jayla shrugged. To be honest, she did, but she didn't want to burden him with it. Enough people had already been clued in on her situation and she didn't really want to bother anyone else with it. Finally, she said, "it's... complicated."

"Well," he mused, gesturing towards an open table by the far viewport. "I'm not your Captain anymore, so I can't order you into Counseling or make you talk. But, the last I checked, we were still friends. And, as a friend, Jayla, I am here for you."

She hesitated as she sat down. It would be easy for a Trill to understand, doubly so for a joined Trill. But, it would take some explaining for anyone else.

Still, if he was claiming to be a friend, well, he was asking for it. So, she launched into the explanation of how sometimes, with untrained Trill, a previous host could take over the current host's mind. She explained how she'd been joined at the age of 15, before she'd had any training and how she'd had such a hard time with it. She explained how she'd noticed that during stressful situations, it felt like she hadn't been the one doing what she'd done and how she'd thought Belar Kij was taking over. She then explained how she'd searched Gavara's memories to find out what to do about it and found out about Memory Transplanting. Then she told him about having to make the call to let someone go for the first time and how it really messed her up and about discovering Silak on New Bajor and watching him die.

At some point, she must have started crying again because she found herself wiping tears off her cheeks. "And that," she finished with a weak sort of grin, "is why I'm a nightmare to be around."

At first, he was overwhelmed by the flood of information. Harvey's eyes had widened, and he'd even leaned back in his chair as a non-verbal response to the flow. It didn't take long, at the mention of previous hosts, for his dormant medical training to resurface. Soon, he felt himself absorbing the information, dissecting it as it came in.

When she finished, he reached across the table and clutched a hand. "I'm no Trill," he told her, "but I can understand. The last few weeks... hell, the last few months have been hell on all of us. It's easy to fight Cardassians, Jem'Hadar, Borg... But, not knowing if the person beside you is someone you can trust. Well, it makes us all have to stay on edge. Now, thankfully, that's all over. As soon as you're cleared, you might take some time. Go to Trill, go wherever. Clear your head."

She nodded. "I thought I'd go see my parents," she said. "It's been a long time since I've seen them. It could be that the Black Hawk is gone, but for whatever reason, I'm feeling very homesick."

Now that he could perfectly relate to. "I've lost many ships over my career, but none felt like home to me like the Black Hawk. But, even now, I've never felt more a need to get away from it all and reconnect with people I've lost before." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm not sure if that has anything to do with what you're going through. In fact, I'm sure it doesn't. But, regardless, Jayla, I do still care for you. I'm sure your parents would love to see you."

"I still care for you, too," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze; she had even realized he's grasped it and vaguely wondered when that had happened. "No matter what, you'll always be my friend."

He smiled gently. "Do you have quarters, or a place to stay?" Harvey knew that much had transpired in the last day. He himself had only secured a room, Ensign's quarters, aboard Deep Space 11, and that was only because Commodore O'Connell wanted him close.

"Not really," she replied. "I've been kipping on a sofa at the hospital. It's all right; there are sonic showers and they're feeding us."

"Nonsense," he said immediately. He might not be her Captain anymore, but he certainly wasn't going to let a member of his crew go like that. "Deck Sixty, Section 12, Room 6. It's not much, but it's better than a sofa."

"That's generous, Harvey, but how can I take a room when the rest of my medical staff is sleeping on cots and sofas?" she replied. "I think I'd rather stay with them at the hospital. It just wouldn't feel right to leave them there."

He nodded. "I feel the same, knowing there are at least four hundred people who aren't resting in their familiar cabins tonight," he confessed. "And I know better than to insist."

"Thanks all the same," she replied. "It's the thought that counts. And anyway, the sofa is only for now. This, too, shall pass."

"Indeed it shall," Harvey said, rising to his feet. He would have opted to stay longer, but he knew the Admiral was a busy woman, and it would not be appropriate to make her wait much longer. "If you need anything, Jayla, just call."

She nodded. "I will, sir," she replied. "Thank you." She stood, squared her shoulders and added, "it's been an honor serving with you, sir."

"The honor's been mine," he said with a gentle smile. Harvey gave her a friendly nod before turning to disappear down the crowded corridor. As he walked away, he hoped this wouldn't be the last time he saw her. If anything, he hoped that the next time they crossed paths, she would be much better off than she was right now.

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