Overwhelmed

Posted on 30 Dec 2019 @ 3:04pm by Commander Jayla Kij & Senior Chief Petty Officer Alexander Rylan

3,519 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: Epilogue
Location: Sick Bay
Timeline: MD 15 | 2230

Childbirth was Jayla’s favorite part of being a doctor. It was also her least favorite part about being a doctor.

She loved children. She loved watching them come into the world, but it was bittersweet for her. Usually she could set aside the bitter part and just enjoy the sweet, but not today. Perhaps it was the exhaustion coupled with everything she and the crew had been through that overwhelmed her. Whatever the reason, she had to retreat to her office where she buried her face in her hands cried.

Alex was beat. After stabilizing Lucas and handing him off to a lower tier corpsman for monitoring until a doc could get a look at him, Alex had changed into a new pair of gloves and waded into the fray. He was bone tired. He needed a shower, a change of clothes, food, and a good night's sleep. But he would consider addressing none of those concerns until he'd made sure Jayla was safe and whole. He went looking for her and found her crying in her office. He quietly shut and locked the door, and engaged privacy mode, which made the windows opaque. Then he knelt next to Jayla and gently wrapped his arms around her and held her. Just enough pressure for her to know he was there to support her, not so much as to prevent Jayla from getting the negative feelings out.

For a long time, Jayla just allowed Alex to hold her while she softly cried into his shoulder. Finally, though, she pulled away and swiped at her eyes to clear her vision. “Sorry,” she muttered. “I’m not usually this emotional after a birth. I suppose it’s just everything else piled on top of it.”

"It's okay," Alex said. "It's been a very long day. Want to talk about it now, or over a cup of tea or glass of wine after a shower, while I rub your feet and tell you how amazing you are?"

She gave him a watery laugh. “Tea, I think,” she replied. “I’m exhausted enough. I don’t need wine adding to the mix.”

Alex smiled. He pulled a PaDD from a pocket. "I took the liberty of putting together a Sickbay staff schedule for the next 48 hours, one that will everyone a chance to rest. The first few shifts are short but they get longer until everyone gets a full shift of downtime. We'll be back to normal, schedule wise, in a few days. Just need you to sign off on it before we leave.”

Jayla gave the schedule a once over. “You’ve got me leaving ten minutes ago,” she pointed out after a quick look at the chronometer. “I can’t leave now. I shouldn’t have the first resting shift.”

"Yeah," Alex said. "You should. Everyone on the first Sickbay shift was slug free and mostly injury free. Everyone who had a slug in their heads gets a rest period. I'm only off because they needed an Independent Duty Corpsman on next shift because they're short MDs and mid levels. Sign off, and let's go, because I want to grab some sleep before I'm on again."

"But, it just doesn't seem fair," she protested half-heartedly. "I'm the Chief Medical Officer. I should let others rest first."

"Even the people who are nearly fresh while you're wiped?" Alex said. "Which doesn't include me. Look, I'm wiped. I need sleep. So do you, but I'm too damned tired to argue. So I'm going to go crash at your quarters. Meet me there if you want to do the smart thing, the best thing for yourself and your patients. If you want to be stubborn, irresponsible, and unsafe, go ahead and stay."

"Now that's not fair," protested Jayla, standing and immediately stumbling into the edge of her desk. She reached out to grab the nearest thing to steady herself, which happened to be Alex's head. The wave of dizziness passed and she blinked a couple of times. "All right, all right," she said finally. And she picked up the PADD and added her thumbprint. "Let's go."

Alex smiled wearily. "That's better," he said, rising to kiss Jayla. "We'll clean up, rest, eat, and come back fresh... well... fresher than we are now, and we'll let the current folks get their rest. And I have an even better idea. We can crash at my quarters on this deck if you'd prefer. You'll be nearby if you're needed here." While Alex felt that part of his job, both as Jayla's senior enlisted advisor and as her boyfriend, was to protect her from threats external and internal, even from herself when necessary, he always tried to see to it that protection didn't interfere with her being the amazing physician and Starfleet officer he knew she was. He picked up the PaDD and send the shift schedule out to all relevant parties, then put the PaDD back in his pocket. "Any last minute stuff you need to take care of before we leave?"

“Nothing that can’t wait,” she sighed. “Your quarters it’s is. I still have a clean uniform there, don’t I?”

"I always make sure there's one there for you, just in case," Alex said with a grin. He held out his hand. “Let's go, gorgeous. Oh, and when you're ready, I want to know everything that happened, and what's going on inside that lovely head and that lovely heart of yours, the good, the bad, the ugly. When you're ready. No pressure."

“Thanks,” she replied, taking his hand as they left her office. “Not tonight. I’m pretty exhausted. Maybe tomorrow. We’ll see. I can tell you this, though- I beat them.” The look on her face was triumphant and also slightly militant. “They couldn’t win. Not with me. That feels really good.”

"I never doubted you for a moment on that one," Alex said. "I mean, if I'd known what was happening. I refused to support your plans to go tear-assing through the corridors not because you lacked fighting spirit, but rather because in my medical opinion, and based on my combat experience, you weren't physically up to it, which would have made your presence a liability. But I'm not in the least surprised that you kicked that parasite's ass."

Jayla grinned and waved vaguely at Dr. Road- who looked oddly satisfied to see her leaving- and continued out the door with Alex. "It was all the previous personalities Kij carries," she continued. "Them and me together overwhelmed it. I know that means that only joined Trill would be able to resist them, but it's something."

"It's definitely a start," Alex said as they walked through the corridors towards senior NCO country. They passed the Goat Locker, but didn't go in. That was Chiefs only, no exceptions other than by invitation. Alex could invite Jayla in, but he didn't want to impose on the other Chiefs. Besides, he just wanted to get back to his quarters and get settled. As he walked, Alex took in the phaser burns on the walls and the other signs of destruction. "What a mess," he said out loud.

Jayla shook her head at the destruction. "I don't normally condone genocide," she said, letting the statement hang in the air.

"Beings are what they are," Alex said. "I hate them for what they did to you, but even still... they are parasites. If you lay aside the negative connotations, they behaved exactly as whatever power created them intended them to behave. It was awful. Good people are dead and others maimed. You fought yours off, but Camilla and the others? They have to come to terms with the awful things they did while being controlled. Yeah, it's bad. It's catastrophic. But genocide? Not sure that works for me."

"What do we do with parasites that infest our bodies?" she pointed out as they approached his quarters. "They're not good for anything is all I'm saying. I wouldn't bring up the subject, but if someone else suggested it, I wouldn't argue."

"I'm not going to get into a philosophical discussion with you about it now," Alex said. "It's too raw for you. The last thing I'm going to say about it tonight is that there's no evidence the parasites that infest our bodies are sentient. The Dolmoqour are. Maybe we just need to put some effort into finding a way to coexist with them. Maybe we'd find they could serve a purpose, just like GI docs in the twenty-first century proposed the use of tapeworms for the treatment of Inflammatory Bowel Disease." Actually, Alex could think of military and intelligence applications of a species such as the Dolmoquor. Frankly, thoughts like that scared the crap out of him, and he hoped the Federation never went down that road. "But I don't want to fight about it. You have every reason to hate the Dolmoquor. I hate them, too, for hurting you. Being selfish a moment, I hate them for trying to take you away from me."

They arrived at his quarters, opened the door and stepped aside to let Jayla in.

She gave a satisfied little nod and stepped inside his quarters, which were beginning to feel almost as much like home as her own were. "They didn't stand a chance," she muttered, turning to face him. "Something so small and insignificant couldn't take me away."

Alex entered his quarters and the doors shut behind them. Finally, they were alone. "I know," he said. "But I was scared and angry anyway." Their eyes met and the next thing Alex knew he had Jayla in his arms and he was kissing her, and when he eventually came up for air, he found that he was holding her as though she might float away and disappear from his life if he let her go. He shuddered. "Sorry. I just... I was so... I... I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she cooed, to sooth him. "It's okay. I'm okay. I had the same reaction. Sort of. They destroyed so much of what I love and I was afraid they'd get to you and then Joey gave birth and- and it was just too much," she finished, choking back tears of her own.

Alex kissed Jayla on the top of her head. "I'm sorry about that, too," he said. "Delivering babies must be very difficult for you. I'm sorry you have to go through that. It was brave of you to do it yourself. Another doctor with difficulties having children might have passed Joey off on someone else. But you're strong and you didn't and as usual I'm impressed as Hell."

"It's the best way to experience it myself," she replied with a sigh. "And it's not like Trill birth is anything like that at all. We're marsupials, after all."

"That makes no difference and you know it," Alex said. "It's the idea of a child or children of your bloodline, of carrying that child, whether as a Human or as a Trill would, of bringing life into the universe." Alex ran his fingers through Jayla's hair as he held her. "I know it's not the same thing, but there are options for you to have children... for us to have children if you wanted to share that with me. Surrogacy and adoption are the two I can think of off of the top of my head. If you decide you want either or another option, I just want you to know, I'm all in."

She grinned into his chest and nuzzled him gently. "You're the best," she said. "I know adoption is there and to be perfectly honest, it's probably the route I'd have taken either way, but there's just something about knowing that you can't have your own. Or that it would at least be extremely difficult to have your own. You know?"

"I do," Alex said. He held Jayla a moment more before speaking again. "Wanna get cleaned up and then curl up on the couch with some tea and something to eat?"

"That sounds fantastic," she replied with a sigh. "Do you want the shower first? Or shall I go?"

"You can go first," Alex said. "You've earned it."

"Thanks," she said, stretching up to kiss his cheek. "You're the best." And with that, she headed towards the sonic shower.

Alex sighed and then set about getting together a pot of tea and some food. He wasn't sure what to make but then remembered something his father used to made for them after they'd gotten a chance to visit a planet and spend a lot of time in the cold and the snow. They'd had a great time, even Jayla had a hard time pretending she was miserable. When after they'd cleaned up, his father made them tomato soup and a stack of grilled cheese sandwiches. To the Rylan's, it was comfort food, and though she did her best to pretend it was 'okay, I guess, if you like that sort of thing,' Alex was pretty sure Jayla liked it, too. Besides, Alex's dad didn't just slap any old bread and cheese together and open a can of soup. Nope, he made his own soup and made a bunch of different sandwiches with different breads and cheeses. Alex didn't have the time to go all out, but he had some supplies, and a sealed container of said tomato soup for emergencies. This qualified. Fifteen minutes later, there was a pot of Jayla's favorite tea being kept warm, a pot of Papa Rylan's Famous Creamy Tomato Soup, and a small stack of grilled cheese sandwiches.

As if called by the smell of food, Jayla appeared, wearing one of Alex’s old T-shirts- that came down nearly to her knees- and looking a tiny bit less tired and far cleaner than she had a few minutes ago. "Is that tomato soup?" she asked, eyes bright.

"Just like Dad makes it," Alex said. "Actually, Dad did make it. I had it in a stasis container, and I had some other supplies around. Seemed like this would hit the spot. Your favorite tea is in that pot. May I pour you cup before I go get cleaned up?"

"Mmm, yes please," she replied. "Do you have any idea how long I spent trying to get the replicator to duplicate this stuff after that time your dad made it for us? I didn't want to admit it then, but it was my absolute favorite."

Alex gestured for Jayla to have a seat in the tiny kitchenette in his quarters as he poured Jayla a cup of tea. "Yeah," he said. "No on in the family was fooled. We knew you liked it. We could read you pretty well, even back then." He set a cup in front of her. "Let that cool a bit. You can start eating or wait for me as you like." He kissed Jayla on the cheek and left for the shower.

Not long after, Alex was naked and letting the soundwaves of the sonic shower relax him and shake the dirt and grime loose from him. Once he was clean, he pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and came back to join Jayla. "I hope you didn't eat everything," he said. "Cuz I'm really hungry." For more than just food, but I'm not going to push that unless you indicate you're ready, my love, Alex thought to himself, as he cast an appreciative eye on Jayla and smiled at her.

“I’ve only just started,” she replied, surprised to see him back so soon. “You were awfully quick!”

"Only when it's appropriate," Alex said with a grin. "That really does smell good!" Alex took a seat, ladled himself a bowl of the soup, grabbed some pieces of sandwich cut into triangles, and began dipping them in the soup and eating them. "Great Bird of the Galaxy! This is exactly what I needed!" He said, talking with his mouth full, something he almost never did. He was normally too well mannered. He swallowed and sighed. "I'm sorry about Doctor Abrams. I didn't mean for him to get hurt. There were just too many factors out of my control."

"It's not your fault," she reassured him around her own mouthful of food. "I'm sure he doesn't blame you. And don't you blame yourself, either! Nobody could have foreseen that!"

"I did," Alex said. "Not specifically that he'd lose his arm. Frankly, I'm amazed that something worse didn't happen to him. Being brutally honest, I'm thankful he didn't get me killed. I should have stuck to my guns and insisted on going alone or on taking one of the Corpsman with combat experience. But I was worried you all would bench me and make Babatunde or one of the others go with Lucas, with Lucas in command, and then they'd both be dead. And of course I couldn't carry Mitchell back and fight by myself... but that's what I ended up doing anyway. So, yeah. I should have insisted on going alone. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose."

"Alex!" said Jayla, setting down the piece of sandwich she'd been eating and reaching across the table to take his hand. "Stop it. Nobody blames you and you shouldn't blame yourself. If you'd gone alone, something worse may have happened to you. You may have been killed. And then what? You'd lay there dying thinking you should have taken someone with you. Now stop ruing what happened; it'll only make you crazy."

Alex looked like he was going to protest, but if he did, it would sound like he was questioning Jayla's decision making process as well as his own. In a way, he was. He loved Jayla dearly, but like most of the officers on the Black Hawk, she tended to underestimate his training and experience and frequently tried to sideline him. It was very frustrating, but he didn't really know what to do about it. His training and experience still told him his job was to 'run into the roar' and pull the wounded from the lion's mouth... or something like that. He was tired and he was pretty sure he was screwing up the metaphor. Regardless. the officers frequently just ignored him when he tried to bring it up. Still, he felt responsible for Lucas' combat injury. So he went back to eating his soup and sandwich in silence for a bit.

Jayla sighed, also going back to her own food. "You're right," she said. "Let's not talk about it." She knew if they continued to talk about it, they'd start arguing and she didn't want to argue with Alex.

Alex ate a bit more, still in silence. Gradually, his expression softened and a small smile formed on his face. He reached out and cupped Jayla's cheek. "I'm an idiot," he said. "And I'm sorry. I guess even I get grumpy now and again. I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"Oh, stop," she said, giving him a crooked grin. "There's nothing to forgive. We're all entitled to our emotions. Yes, even tough corpsmen."

Alex caressed Jayla's cheek a few times, then took his hand away and went back to eating. "Even kickass Joined Trills," he said. "You and Kij really beat the crap out of that Dolmoquor. Pretty sure I couldn't have done that. I am continually impressed and awed by you. Smart, sexy, soft when you want to be and a total badass when the situation calls for it. But..." Alex smiled at Jayla. "Maybe you could hold off a little while before your next near death experience? Just a little? I mean, I knew you were going to pull through, but I was still scared to death."

She offered him a soft grin. "I'll try to take better care of myself," she said, finishing up her sandwich and contemplating another. "I'm torn between sleep and more food," she added, her eyelids feeling heavier now that she had something in her stomach.

"I vote sleep," Alex said. "Food will be here in the morning. Let's go to bed. Things will seem better after we've gotten some rest. Go get into bed. I'll clean up here."

"Good point," she agreed. She was about to argue that she could most certainly help clean up, but she was having trouble keeping her eyes open as it was. So, without argument, she stood from the table- she had to grab her chair for a moment to keep balance- and made her way to the bed, which she crawled into without argument and promptly fell asleep.

Alex quickly and quietly cleaned up, then went to the sleeping alcove. He smiled at the sight of Jayla asleep in his bed, something he'd dreamed about all those years ago and frequently between then and now. Sometimes it hit him how lucky he was. He removed his clothes and climbed in behind Jayla, spooning with her, and promptly joined her in the land of sleep.

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