As Long As We Got Each Other

Posted on 11 Mar 2016 @ 1:15am by Commander Terry Walsh & Commander C. Kos

2,499 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Outbreak
Location: Walsh’s Quarters
Timeline: After Final Confrontation || 1930 hours

Terry rounded the corridor to his quarters. This had been the longest day he had experienced in a very long time. He commanded a starfighter attack on a Starfleet ship, lost his lunch on the flight deck and ended up in sickbay, took charge of the ship they had just disabled, repaired it, and now they were deep in something big. What a day.

Now what he needed was some company. Some cuddle company to be exact. Terry Walsh hadn’t seen Mackenzie Kos all day. All he wanted to do for a few minutes was relax, sit next to her, and hold her. In the past, he had taken to playing classical music after a mission for its calming and relaxing effect. Recently, that had been replaced with Mackenzie.

But they were trying to keep their relationship private and he was finding it more difficult to come up with reasons to be with her, at night or any other time off duty. He entered his quarters, hoping a sonic shower would clear his mind so that he could come up with one. Plus it would be nice to get all of ‘this’ washed off.

After drying off, Terry put on a pair shorts and a t-shirt that was one size too big. He went to the replicator and ordered a turkey on wheat with provolone, spinach lettuce, tomato, and mustard. It wasn’t his typical meal, but this hadn’t been a typical day. And he still hadn't come up with a way to spend time with Mac tonight.

******

She had spent a lot of time thinking about it. Since Commander del Rosario had turned himself in, Mac had been back on duty. Until Harvey had recouped from being stunned by the Security Chief, Mac had been the lone command authority on the Black Hawk. Fortunately, now Harvey was back on duty. Together, they had reviewed the information given to them by del Rosario. There were still details that needed to be ironed out, but Mac was finally able to relax for a bit. She knew where she wanted to be: with Walsh. She paused at a wall panel to manually query the computer about Walsh's location.

The two officers had been working to keep their romance a secret; Mac wanting to spare Harvey's feelings since the two of them had seemed to be on a trajectory towards a relationship beyond that of Captain and XO. But after the way things had gone the last few days, she didn't care. She bee lined to Deck 4 and marched down the corridor to room 0405. She touched the announcer, eager to be reunited with her lover.

Terry uncharacteristically gulped some of the Chardonnay to wash the down the bite of turkey. “It’s open,” he called out. “Come on in.” He wasn’t expecting anyone tonight, but he did hope it might be one particular person. Mackenzie Kos.

The doors opened and Mac walked in. She stood there, just inside the doors, staring at Terry. She heard the doors whoosh closed and, only then, did she start to cry. The tears poured from her eyes, creating little trails down her cheeks. She made no noise, save for the occasional sniffle. She just stood there weeping.

Terry looked up to see Mac walk in, but then she just stood there, staring. When the doors closed and Mac started crying, Terry knew something wasn’t right. He quickly walked over and put his arms around her. He pulled her in, not hugging tightly, but holding closely, securely. After a minute, he pulled back, kissed her forehead, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. With his right arm around her, he took her left hand in his. “You wanna sit, sweetheart?” he asked, nodding towards the couch.

The warmth of his touch radiated from where his hand held hers. His arm around her helped calm her. She nodded, allowing him to lead her to the sofa. "Sorry," she choked.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," said Terry, as he sat down. "You know, if you want to talk about it or just need someone to listen, I'm here."

She couldn't find words. Instead, her weeping continued. She pulled her feet up onto the couch and buried her face into Walsh's broad, strong chest, her silent tears soaking into his shirt.

He thought for a second and realized that now wasn’t the time for talk, now was the time for just being there. So he let her sit there, curled up on the couch and curled up on him, his shirt getting wet with her tears. Then he remembered a song that his little Irish mother, Connie, would sing to him when he was sad or crying. The large man began to softly sing in his best Irish accent.

There's a tear in your eye,
And I'm wondering why,
For it never should be there at all.
With such pow'r in your smile,
Sure a stone you'd beguile,
So there's never a teardrop should fall.

Terry continued through the entire song.

Despite all the time the two had spent together recently, this was the first time Mackenzie had heard Terry sing. She didn't say anything, instead letting the fighter pilot finish his song. After a while, she realized that Walsh was silent. She had stopped crying; her eyes were closed and she suspected she'd fallen asleep. She opened one eye and tried to find a chrono so she could see what time it was. She attempted to be careful to not move too much as she didn't want to disturb Walsh, in case he had dozed off too.

Terry finished his song and sat there in silence, holding Mackenzie. She eventually stopped crying and her breathing seemed to slow down. He wondered if she had fallen asleep lying on his chest, but dared not move or make a sound so as to wake her. She needed to rest. After a while, he felt her breaths become deeper and wondered if she was waking up. Not wanting to startle her, he began slowly rubbing her back.

Mackenzie loved the massaging touch of Walsh's strong hand. She was always surprised at how gentle the pilot could be. "You are too good to me."

"No, I'm not good enough," replied Terry. "To be as good as I want, I'd need the powers of Q."

She sat up, leaning against the arm of the couch, her legs crossed in front of her. "You are so sweet. Sweeter than I warrant."

"Hey, you make it easy to be sweet to," he said.

She ran her fingers through her hair, combing out some tangled that had formed during her nap on Walsh's torso. "I have a lot of fun with you," she began, knowing that although she didn't want to have this conversation, it was necessary. Again, she ran her fingers through her red hair. This time, she combed a swath of her locks to the opposite side of her head. "I hate to do this, but I think we need to talk about this."

"Talk about what? Tonight? The reason you were crying?"

"You and me. Us. I need to know what this all is."

Terry had wondered at times what all of this was, what it could become. Right now could be that turning point, for the better, he hoped. "Okay then, let's talk." He turned his back to the arm of the couch and laid his leg on the cushion. "You wanna go first? Tell me what's on your mind?"

She took a deep breath. "I want to know what this is to you. I know what I think it is, but I'm so unsure of everything right now."

The fighter pilot breathed deeply. He wasn't sure how this would be taken, but it was how he felt about he and Mackenzie. "To me," began Terry, "this is just the beginning. What we've got could become something stronger...something better that what it is now. But it'll take the both of us working together at it."

He paused only to slightly change the subject. "You said that you're unsure of everything right now. Well, as far as I'm concerned this is one thing that you can be sure of."

Two different and distinct feelings coursed through Mackenzie. The first was an urge to cry, as evidenced by the tears rolling, again, down her cheek. She also felt extremely lucky and loved. Responding to the second feeling, she leaped across the sofa, pouncing on Walsh and peppering him with kisses; her hands roamed over his chest, feeling his strong pecs. A little voice in the back of her head told her to stop, that she was trying to deflect from the conversation. She ignored it.

Terry wasn’t sure what to make of Mac’s crying again. But suddenly it didn’t matter. He wrapped his arms around her when she pounced on him and returned her warm kisses. His hands made their way to the small of back as she sat there.

The little voice was now much louder, practically screaming. Accepting that she would be hard-pressed to stay focused with the voice yelling at her, she relented and pulled away from Walsh.

Terry was slightly confused. He didn’t think he’d done or said anything wrong. He looked into Mackenzie’s emerald green eyes. “Is everything okay? It wasn’t me, was it?”

She shook her head. "Sorry. I shouldn't have... I need to..." She stopped, taking a moment to focus. "We need to talk right now."

Taking her previous position on the couch, she collected her thoughts again. "So," she began slowly, easing back into the conversation, "I'm not sure what we are. When we first connected, back on DS 11, it was lots of fun."

"It still is," she followed up quickly, not wanting to mislead the pilot. "But I'm not sure I envisioned it turning into an actually relationship. Which is what it seems to be. At least to me."

Terry nodded as she spoke. They did have lots of fun when they first connected. And far as he was concerned, they were still having fun. He was just glad to hear that Mackenzie thought so, too. “If what you’re unsure of is it becoming a relationship, then we can slow down or something. Maybe have some more talks like this.” Terry wasn’t good with feelings. He had them, but when he expressed them, he usually went overboard. Which was the feeling he was getting now in the pit of his stomach.

"I have a lot of uncertainty in my head, about a lot of things, but I am certain about my feelings for you. I want us to be together Terry," she admitted, calling him by his given name rather than his last name like she usually did.

He smiled and nodded. “Then we can take this thing forward at a pace that’s comfortable for the both of us, Mackenzie.”

"If we're going to move forward, you should know that the Captain and I had been....tip-toeing around a relationship. I had, have, feelings for Harvey, and I don't know that they are going to go away." Confessing about her and Harvey was difficult.

Terry took a deep breath. “Well, I can’t say I’m totally surprised. The few times that you’ve mentioned him, you said ‘Harvey’ instead of ‘the Captain.’ I had wondered, but brushed it off. Besides, if you have feelings for him that might not go away, that just means I’ll have to work all that much harder to help them disappear if we’re going to move forward. Thanks for your honesty, though.”

Mackenzie was reminded, again, of how thoughtful Walsh was. "My feelings about Harvey, the Captain, are complicated."

She looked down at the surface of the cushion that separated her from Walsh. She stared at the beige fabric, pulling her gaze away when she felt her mind start to drift off. "I'm going to start seeing the Counselor, I think."

“It takes a lot for some people to admit that,” he said. “You’re stronger than you think.” He paused. “You’ll be seeing her on a regular basis, then?”

"I need to figure out what's going on with me. Nestene did a number on me. I'm not sure I can...want...to stay...."

She let it trail off, so he was unsure if she really wanted to finish the thought. Deciding to leave it for later, or the Counselor, he went on. “Nestene was hard on a lot of people. I’d bet that the Counselor has probably seen a few people already regarding it.”

"Maybe," Kos agreed. "She came to see me while I was in Detention. I wasn't in the mood to talk to her much then. But she said some things that made me think."

Mac looked into Walsh's brown eyes. "I think I need to step down as Executive Officer."

Okay, now that was a surprise. And he knew that it showed on his face. “Hun, are you sure about this? I mean, you’re not talking about permanently are you? You’re good at your job.”

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I'm not sure if, or when, I'll be ready."

“Well, maybe that’s something the Counselor could help you with. If you wanna bring it up, I mean. Just to let you know, I may not be the best counselor, but I'll always listen.” Then a thought hit him. “How stupid could I have been? Can I get you some water or tea or something?” He hadn’t offered her anything to drink since she had come in or woken up.

She shook her head. "Thanks though," she responded.

"What do you think? About me taking time off to figure things out?"

Terry recalled the time he watched his wingman, and friend, die as his fighter exploded from a Jem-Hadar attack. He wished he’d taken time off then. And recently, when his dad had passed away, he had taken time off. Well, technically, he resigned from the SFMC because they wouldn’t give him the time off.

“I think that if you need it, you should take the time," he said. "But don’t think you have to go through this alone. Trust me, that’s not good for you. Anytime you wanna relax, want some different walls to look at, or just want someone to listen, my door is always open.”

Mac repositioned herself so she was leaning against Terry. "I know," she said softly, thankful for Walsh's tenderness. "You are a good man, Terry."

Terry put his arm around her and breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet smell of her hair. "You make it easy, Mackenzie," he whispered.

 

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